Inferno - Satire of U2

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****************INFERNO!**********
* A Weekly Guide To Surreal Life *
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The January 29, 1997 Edition

******************AN INFERNO EXCLUSIVE!******************************************

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This week, INFERNO! is proud to present a RARE and EXCLUSIVE interview with all four members of U2. That's right, those masterminds of pop perfection speak frankly with Dante, INFERNO!'s legendary trailblazing trainspotter, about, well, most everything...! This issue of INFERNO! features a brief excerpt from this interview....

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Dante: Well, I have just heard the new album, entitled 'Pop', in its entirety, and I must say that I very much enjoyed it, and I was blown away by how aggressively different it sounds and feels than all of your previous albums... were you purposely trying to paint with a different palette?

Bono: We were very much taken in by the 'trip-hop' sound and look that is currently very popular in Europe. We felt that 'Zooropa' got us out of the anthemic rock that we were expected to produce.... and that our next step would only naturally take us into new territory... as opposed to staying still... and sounding like our last album.

For 'Pop', we discovered a new technology that enabled us to simulate the effects of Ecstacy through sound waves... the new album was produced using this technology.... We didn't want to be just an audio-visual band..... we wanted to be an audio-visio-psychosomatic band...

Dante: Does it work?

Bono: Well, you're a little stoned, aren't you?

Dante: I'm stoned? Really...?

Bono: Frankly, you just went through those two bags of Lays potato chips rather quickly. I'd say you're pretty stoned.

Adam: I reckon he should be.

Edge: Well, you can't just have one, Paul.

Bono & Edge: (singing) You know you're chewing bubblegum, You know what it is but you still want some, You can't get enough of that lovey-dovey stuff....

Adam: Good grief...

Larry: Actually, we're all pretty stoned.

Edge: We are?

Adam: No, that was just a Tic-Tac, Larry.

Larry: Oh. Then I reckon that we're not...

Dante: Uh...Won't this new technology, and its use in this manner, cause some kind of controversy?

Bono: I highly doubt anyone will notice, really. We wanted to ensure that people really dug our new album. Frankly, we'd like our fans to love every new album that we put out instead of hoping for a 'Joshua Tree 2' or an 'Achtung Baby 2'. This way, critics and fans alike will stop pestering us about our musical directions and just listen to the albums.

We're determined to turn the world into one big rave. Look at the 'Discotheque' video... We're all dancing in one giant mirror ball, which symbolizes the Earth.... It begins with the ball flashing open, and we unleash our new 'sound' and everything starts to get funky.... then, at the end of the video, we don our Village People outfits and, well, dance.

Larry: It's a musical journey...

Dante: Why the Village People thing? Although, I will admit, that I was beside myself laughing. It is really funny...

Bono: We had to distract you while you received light waves that would adjust your receptability to the new album. The bright flashes of light that occur beneath and behind us are those transmissions.

Dante: Fascinating... Simply fascinating....

Bono: I agree... Besides, no one can accuse us of being behind...

Edge: Behind what, Paul?

Bono: Behind technology, mate.

Edge: Oh, right.

Adam: Do you like my afghan? I bought this in London. It's most masculine, I think.

Larry: Adam...

Adam: Yes, Larry...?

Larry: We've had it up to here with your clothes, mate.

Edge: Hear, hear.

Dante: For 'Zooropa', you claimed that you were inspired by the works of William Gibson for the overall cybernetic feel of that album. What authors or artists inspired you for this new album?

Bono:I'd have to say Lucianno Pavarotti. Have you ever seen the man eat? It's quite a feat to behold. A positive side-effect of the technology that we used to record the album is that the listener will lose weight while listening to it. The sound waves carry certain frequencies that stimulate the burning of calories and fats in the human body. When we were recording the Passengers project, we decided we wanted to make a feel good album. A diet U2 album, so to speak.

Dante: Diet U2?

Bono: Why not? Our fans often tell us that our music stimulates them musically and spiritually. Since people are becoming so health conscious, we brainstormed about how to tie in this current trend into our music and image.

Edge: Wasn't this thing supposed to be catered?

Larry: I reckon that interviewer ate everything....

Dante: For the good of the fans...?

Bono: Yes, for the good of the fans.

Dante: This is all most interesting. What will the tour be like? Will it be anything like Zoo TV, or have you higher ambitions? Will this new technology be featured in the show?

Edge: Bono said that more and more, we're becoming some kind of modern day P.T. Barnum.

Bono: I was kidding about that, Dave. No, the tour will be a little different this time around. With the trip-hop feel of the album and our new look, we want to be more subtle.... so we're bringing palm trees on stage... and we'll go on stage in shorts and Hawaiian shirts. It's our Fat Elvis as an American Tourist stage.

Dante: So... what has happened between the Passengers album, the recording of the Passengers album and now the new songs?

Bono: Ah... Adam?

Adam: Er... fuck it, I don't know.

Edge: This is all sounds strangely familiar...

Adam: What do you think of these boots? Are they me? I think so... Dave, do you like my boots?

Bono: They're fine, Adam. Relax.

Adam: But these are Jean-Paul Gauthier! They scream for attention...!

Larry: Shut up about the clothes, Larry...

Dante: Um, guys?!

Bono: Did you know that Dave here dated Julia Roberts. The lucky son of a gun...

Edge: I dated Julia Roberts?

Bono: You sure did, you old romeo.

Edge: Oh wow.... Why am I always the last one to know these things?

Dante: Was it a good relationship, Edge?

Edge: Uh....well, she mostly just raided my fridge now and then, and watched all my Woody Allen videos over and over.

Bono: See... they were dating.

Adam: Hey, I was engaged to Naomi Campbell...!

Larry: And you two broke up because she was even more obsessed with shopping than you are, mate. Let it go.

Adam: And what did Julia Roberts and Dave have going for them, then?

Larry: His fingerwork, I reckon.

Dante: O-kay..... Does the cop uniform that you wear in the video 'Discotheque' have any significance, Bono, please!?

Bono: Well, one day a cop stopped me in my Jaguar in Miami and I said that he looked good in his uniform.... so he didn't write me a ticket, but he did give me his number.... Anyway, when filming the video, I thought about dressing up as a cop, to symbolically say: "Rock and roll, stop the traffic!!!"

Dante: A reference to the 1987 'Save The Yuppie' Concert in San Francisco during the Joshua Tree tour where you performed the Bob Dylan number 'All Along The Watchtower'...

Bono: Um....sure.

Dante: The Village People costumes do concern a few people about what messages you are trying to convey. There are questions of the band toying with bisexuality... Do you have a comment on this?

Bono: So we're acknowledging our gay and bisexual fans and introducing that side of sexuality into our music... I think that it's important for our fans to know where we stand on this issue... and that our lyrics are inclusive to them.. We've had a strong heterosexual image in the past, that may not have been all that welcoming to people of same sex persuasions.

We hope that, with Achtung Baby, Zooropa and, now, Pop, gay and bisexual peoples find our lyrics and our music more accessible.

Adam: That was deep, Paul.

Edge: Yeah.

Larry: What was that, Paul? I missed what you said...

Dante: Next question: Bono, why do you constantly 'hump' the camera?

Adam: Maybe so people can put their asses against their tv... and get interactive with U2.

Bono: Funny, Adam. I don't know really.... the director said hump the camera, so I did.

Adam: But you showed so much enthusiasm...

Bono: It was a Sony.

Dante: This question is for Adam and Larry. Did your experience with the re-recording of the Mission: Impossible theme and it's popularity... after all, it was a hit... carry over into the recording of the new album?

Adam: First of all, if things don't pan out with the band... Larry and I now have a nice, lucrative career recording theme songs and instrumentals like 'tomandandy'. But yes, with Dave and Paul having written that theme song for Tina Turner in 'Goldeneye', we figured it would be a fair thing to carve out a new niche for ourselves as individuals and artists, and see if we can outchart Dave and Paul. So when Tom Cruise and Frank Coppola approached us with the opportunity to do the theme-song, we said yes.

Dante: Rumours have it that you both were approached by George Lucas to do the entire score of the new Star Wars trilogy.

Adam: We're still considering it, actually.

Larry: I think we have a weekend open in '98 when we could record it.

Adam: Do we? Then I reckon we should tell him yes.

Edge: Would you happen to have a copy of 'The Captive' soundtrack on you? I still can't find it in stores.

Dante: Sorry, I can't find a copy either.

Bono: I have an extra copy, Dave. Wanna trade for it?

Edge: Um.... how about for my copy of 'Spice Girls'?

Dante: Hey, wait a minute.... I'll trade you my 'Evita' soundtrack for it.

Adam: Hmmm.... Fancy a new pair of Gargoyles, Paul?

Bono: It's a done deal, mate.

Dante: Edge: Bastard.

Dante: I'd like a brief response from each of you on this next question. What was the mindset when beginning sessions for this new record?

Bono: I wanted to make an album that would make you trip out, instead of just tripping out to.

Larry: I wanted to drum harder this time. On that Passengers project, I just wasn't into it like I was in Uck-tung Baby...um, Eck-tung Baby... oh hell, still can't say that bloody word...

Bono: Achtung Baby...

Larry: Ock-tung Baby...

Bono: Aaaaack...tuuuuuuung..... baby...

Larry: Haaaack...tunnnnnnng... oh, forget this....

Edge: I wanted to rediscover the guitar and make it sound new again.

Adam: I, too, wanted Dave to rediscover the guitar and make it sound new again.

Dante: Was recording this new album as easy as Zooropa, which was wrapped up in less than three months?

Bono: Oh lord, no... Zooropa was a fluke! We were determined to tinker with this album for as long as we could get away with...

Dante: Is that fair to your fans?

Bono: Hey, the fans expected us to have a new look. It took us a while to shop for the right clothes.

Larry: ENOUGH ABOUT THE BLOODY CLOTHES!!!!!

Adam: Hey, I didn't say anything... It was Paul...

Larry: It's always about the fucking clothes....

Dante: Did you find that recording this album with Nellee Hooper and Howie B prove a refreshing change to Daniel Lanois and Brian Eno?

Bono: Daniel was busy producing for Luscious Jackson, and Brian was busy doing Passengers 2, an album of commercial jingles. We missed Dan and Brian, but Nellee and Howie were excellent choices to begin with. They have wonderful ears and their input was excellent.

Edge: Nellee does a great impression of Bjork....

Dante: Um...Bono, was it true that you were approached to co-star in the motion picture, Batman Forever, as McPhisto?

Bono: Yes, but I just didn't want to be in a picture were I get my ass kicked at the end. I get that at home. So we gave them a song.... Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me... We were, um...inspired by Gloria Estefan.

Dante: B.P. Fallon once asked this question, and I repeat the question now: Do you have any regrets?

Larry: None.

Adam: None whatsoever.

Bono: Of course not.

Edge: Um... well, I wish that I'd known earlier that I was really dating Julia Roberts.

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[The preceeding interview was a satire on the members of U2. Meant in playful jest, and it is in no way, shape or form designed to undermine their character or music. We at INFERNO! adore U2, and we pray that they release their wonderful music to us for a long, long time to come.... If any offense or confusion was had through viewing of this faux interview, then may we suggest that you bother Jerry Springer, not us... thank you.

INFERNO! is a weekly post conceived and written by our Chief Editor, Dante, and his imaginary staff (due to downsizing). Any suggestions and comments may be sent to: [email protected]

If you wish to subscribe to INFERNO! (meaning that we will e-mail you a personal copy of the post) you may e-mail us as well.

Have a good one, and thank you for reading INFERNO!]

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This page contains a single entry by Jonathan published on January 29, 1997 9:50 PM.

Music; New U2 single provokes some head scratching was the previous entry in this blog.

U2's Disco Daze is the next entry in this blog.

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